||[Jan. 14th, 2006|05:15 am]
|||||Death in Vegas - Girls||]|
It's been...an eternity since i've updated.
You ever have those nights that start out fine, everything is calm. But just one thing happens. A simple song you haven't heard in ages just turns everything around. The mood you were in does a 180, and you've lost yourself. You don't want anybody to think about you, you don't want anybody to remember you, you don't want anything in life, you want to just have it done and over with? now, it's not a suicidal thing i'm thinking about, just this utter feeling of loneliness. I haven't had it hit me for a long time...but it just did. It's horrid, and i wish it never came back. so many things flashing in my mind, so many memories, so many unnecessary feelings of hate, rage, regret, disgust. I just wish a lot of things in my life had not happend...but they make you stronger i suppose right? I never asked god for any of this. Gives with one hand and takes with the other. My dad always told me, one door closes, another opens, i think it's the other way around. a new one opens, the last one closes. this feeling of not being able to do anything about past experiences. It's kinda like that whole thing, an old man dies, a little girl lives. thank you sin city. i don't know what the hell i'm talking about anymore...i really wouldn't mind losing myself in a drink or two or twenty.
it's like i told justin the other day, i just had this feeling of isolating myself from everyone for a while. nobody to talk to me, nobody to listen to me, just me waging my own war on myself.
Silence is a justified expression of my war now